I Need to Get Smart About Life {Part 2}

I’ve been thinking alot about what I wanna do and it always includes traveling somewhere and being in good health. I’m starting to even wonder if it would just be better for me to have a simplistic lifestyle right now. Downgrade the phone, downgrade the needs, I mean personally, I don’t mind it. But where do I start?

I guess I should start with finding another or a better job, whichever comes first. And I really I REALLY have to get tighter about my spending habits. I mean I have to budget more efficiently, pretty much like I’ll never get another check ever in my life. lol

I wanna get my passport! I wanna get in shape! I wanna do a ton of things that are just not in my cards right now. Because of money and stressing over stuff I really don’t need. Like my phone? It’s really no need to have it and have to pay a bill for it every month since I don’t use it like that anyway. I just have it really, for the apps and taking pictures. A simple $15 phone can recieve calls!

I mean I can have the big grand items, I could splurge if I really wanted to. But my mind and heart is so set on experiencing the world beyond all the mess I see and endure everyday, I don’t want it. I don’t want new stuff, upgraded stuff, modern up-to-date, don’t care. Honestly.

I’m bought ready to have a sale or something but…lol really don’t have that much to sell. lol! I’m thinking about crocheting hats and scarves and selling them, I mean people see my homemade items all the time and just love them. I may start there. Heck, I may even wash cars to earn some quick bucks! I’ll still be looking for a job but until I can find one, still need to eat. Still need gas, still need all of that.


I’m wondering and thinking. Thinking hard…..what could I be doing?….Hmmmm….




I Need to Get Smart About Life {Part 1}

You know what I just realized this gloomy Saturday morning?

It’s sooo easy to remain in mess.

It’s so easy to just leave it there. To sit there dreaming about doing something different but then not doing it. It’s just easier to complain and it’s easier to see the changes everyone else, or even yourself, needs to make, but then never do anything to change it.

I’ve been trying to destress all morning going on a long drive singing to loads of songs that cheer me up and….it almost NEVER fails. Stress called me on my phone. lol I should literally go through all my contacts and retitle their names as “Stress. STRESS. And MORE STRESS.” lol It would be funny to have someone pick up my phone and be like “Hey girl, guess who’s calling you? Stress!” LMAO!

But anyways, I was just having an extreme visual of where I wanted my life to head and for the most part……great…and here comes the thunder. Just can’t stay positive about ANYTHING! lol

So let me try and make this…..oh never mind. I’ll be back.



Curse My Naive Nature!

I’m one of those people who could probably easily get scammed. BUT, luckily, since I never go all the way through with things I feel sketchy about, I’ve never been scammed out of money or any valuables.

But I need to get more cold and unforgiving towards people. These scammers are cruel forever tugging on the heart strings man! I remember one time, I almost got scammed because I needed a job. I NEEDED one, but the main thing that ticked me off is my having to pay, and having to mail in a payment at that, just to get a notification or something. Whatever they said.

I almost got scammed again, looking for another job.

Almost got scammed by a “friend”, but fortunately (or unfortunately….=/) it was a friend I hadn’t spoke to in forever so just SEEING a message from them in my email raised a red flag.

So you would think I’m pretty good at not buying into scams right?

Yeah. I should’ve never hopped my happy ascot onto craigslist.

Trying to sell this freakin 3DS and somebody bids. All throughout this exchange of “are you selling” “sure” I saw all the red flags but I just needed the money so badly, I guess I was excusing it because he sounded “legit”.

From hereon out,

Words are just WORDS until the actions make them TRUE.

He doesn’t really have any of my *true* information. The phone number was a backup phone I use. Really the only thing that I carry with me is my email and I’m getting ready to shut that one down. And though he does have an address (to mail me this fraudulent check) it’s technically not my “true” address. I mean it is but it isn’t…feel me?

I guess I was being subconsciously smart, even though I was overwhelmingly stupid. I mean it’s CRAIGSLIST how could I think ANYTHING good was gonna come out of this? Listening to that doggone guy at the pawn shop (I was originally going to pawn it) telling me he does pretty good with Craigslist all the time. I’m going BACK to that man and getting whatever he gives me. Haaaa.

I don’t get it why am I being so stupid now? I’m usually very uptight about my information, very secure on everything I do, I google people I feel skeptical about like I get PAID to do it. Why was I being so stupid now? Incredibly stupid at that.

But I don’t know, I’ve been acting very irrational lately. I mean very. I don’t feel as calm and as peaceful as I used to. I feel stressed and bogged down and stuck everywhere I go. I’ve been noticing that I’ve been acting on “spur of the moments” and just acting without thinking I guess. And this was DEFINITELY a step without thinking.


Haa I feel like with all the baby steps I’ve taken to try and make some progress in my life, the wind has just knocked me back to the beginning. But things happen and people do stupid stuff at some point in their lives right? I’m admitting right now, I was beyond stupid. BEYOND IT. I mean really who DOES THAT!? I guess I just thought it would be like recieving a package, but it’s entirely different. I don’t know how to work Craigslist, that was my first “transaction”. But I promise you, I’ll never be back on again. smdh



I’m Ready For A Change

And I don’t know how it’s gonna happen but I do know one thing

I gotta take a step in SOME thing.

What with everything seeming to go down around me, I’m still trying to keep a little glimmer of light, just a little spec of hope. That something, anything will pull through. These days, I’m just…..decent. People ask me how I’m doing. My response.

I’m just doing.

Aren’t we all? But I don’t want to “just be doing” anymore. I want to be either happy, mad, joyful, upset, shocked, embarrassed I want to feel something. And these days I haven’t been feeling anything. Nothing but STRESS. I always knew that stress could make you feel depressed and down and angry. But who knew stress could wipe out your emotions completely… I just feel nothing.

I feel like I want to love, but when the opportunity to show that love presents itself, I freeze.

And I don’t want to be like that anymore.

I want to get out and do things. Experience life. Amazon sends me these incredible coupons all the time and I may start buying into them and checking some things out. I mean why not!? Okay maybe it’s not traveling overseas, or going to the theme parks but a 2 hour paint session is more thrilling than my life right now. Private horseback riding lessons? I’m game! They’ve even sent me coupons to take pole dancing classes and I’ve REALLY been wanting to try that! lol

I just wanna do something.

Back on my fitness grind again, and this time I may actually take it seriously, not that I never did before, but this may actually be the time I stick to it. I’m making my goals public, I’m putting it out there like I’m gonna put it here.

My goal is to

Get to an 18-19% body fat by August 9, 2014!!!!!

That’s a good 5 months from now (I started on the 9 of March). I’ve never made specific goals before it was always “I wanna lose weight” or “I wanna be toned” and not actually know what were the specifics or the details.

It’s not even just about that, I want to start dressing up more, I want to get into life again. I just want to live through some experiences and stop dreaming about them.

I just want to stop DREAMING.

And just DO IT.



We Need Sidewalk Polices!

Okay! I’ve had it with these doggone pedestrians!

They are some TRIFLING individuals, now I SEE why people don’t mind runnin some of ya’ll over!

My specific annoying little tick are the people who, obviously think sidewalks are for the…. weaker folk. The ones who wanna get bold enough to walk on the curb of the road or even rides bikes in the MIDDLE of the road when there is CLEARLY a decent piece of sidewalk beside them!

UGH GAWD it makes me so ANGRY!!!

And then when you’re closing in on them they turn and look at you like “you won’t hit me”…


I almost hit a bike rider because he wanted to keep swerving in front of me and I’m trying to pass, here he goes swerving in front of me again, and he almost ALMOST got hit.

It would have been sweet, SWEET bliss but alas…

My freakin morals and good humanity kicked in and made me break but I was SOOOO gonna ram him over.

He eventually got on the sidewalk though. -____-”

I think that should be a law. If they are NOT crossing the street, pedestrians should HAVE to use a sidewalk if there is one nearby. If they are not, they should be ticketed. Point blank. If I have to be cautious about them crossing the street, they need to be cautious of me COMING. It’s only fair don’t you agree?

I mean what is so DEGRADING about using a sidewalk? Oh my gawd, I’m a RULE FOLLOWER!!! Let me walk on the curb! Yeah, I’m hard!


People are way too careless these days. I mean is it really gonna kill you to just use the pavement designed to SAVE YOUR LIFE!!!? Is it really?

Well I must say, if THAT is gonna kill you, you don’t wanna know what I’m thinkin about.



lol I’m just kidding.

Seriously, can we have some sidewalk polices PLEASE!?



What I Think About “Alone Time”

Haaa, sometimes I wonder if people understand the concept of quality time with yourself.

I dunno, the way I see it, being able to spend alone time by yourself tells alot about a person.

I’m not saying you have to be by yourself 24/7 to understand what I’m talking about either. That’s just MY preference lol. But I’m beginning to hear people say that they loathe being by themselves. They are just so sociable and rely on people so much that a little time to themselves, in a way, kills them.

Now being the extreme introvert I am, that completely knocked my socks off and set them on FIRE.

How can people like that exist!!!!!?

But I guess they’d say the same about me who spends a great deal strategizing (sp??) about how to avoid folks. lol

I was just truly amazed and I really couldn’t comprehend it. I mean, there’s not one minute of the day you can do without people?

But this is also where my ol’ random thoughts pour in. These people are usually the ones who complain about everybody and feel like the WORLD is against them and like no one is in their corner. They’re never happy until somebody makes them happy. People I’ve been trying to eliminate or lessen appearances of in my life.

I mean think about it, if it kills you to spend time with yourself, what makes you think somebody else wants to? lol I feel that the people afraid to get to know themselves probably already know they’re full of BS and want another voice around to tell them they’re not as crazy as they actually are. I mean what’s so bad about soaking in a bathtub full of bubbles and possibly a pint of peppermint ice cream? What’s SO horrible about having a movie night by yourself at times? What’s so irritating about reading a book, taking a long walk and snapping pics of the neighborhood? I’m not saying that people should always want to be by themselves, but what happens when no one’s available and you’re stuck with yourself? You can’t allow depression to seep in because you always need somebody.

These are the kind of people that make relationships and marriage scare me. It’s like dang don’t NEED ME so much! lol

I mean really? You hate being by yourself that much?

Then how do you think other folks feel…. -______-”



~ thinkblind ~

“I Feel Relaxed Around You”

I know this should probably be a good thing to have people say to you, especially guys, but hell is it!?

I’m glad that you’re relaxed around me, that we can chill, we can talk, we can spar a few insult battles (and you’ll realize who the real Queen of Combats IS *ahem*), I’m glad to know that you can come and talk to me and share your secrets and your fears and all that jazz….

But sometimes I’d rather not.

I’ve been the girl that’s been running from people for years.

And they just keep gravitating to me like what hockey sticks, man!?

I’m sure for the future boyfriend or whatever he might be, this would be a good sign because then that means we can talk and we can communicate. When we get into arguments it may be relatively easy for us to move over because I’m normally someone who wants to cool off and apologize later. I’m accepting of other’s flaws though I get easily angered when they’re not very accepting of MINE. So I guess this is a pretty cool compliment, I s’pose.

But does that mean finding a compatible guy is going to be tougher? Does Relaxation = Bored = Friends? Or does Relaxation = Guards Down = Compatibility = Genuine Love?

Which way does it go?

Or maybe I just need to shut up and not think about it so much……….

Yeah. I’m going with that.

~ thinkblind ~

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