But I’m gonna do SOMETHING…
Apparently, I am back for good.
There’s just so much LIFE happening, I need a place to vent it out.
So long story short, back in May this year, where I work at, we all basically got told we were about to be laid off starting in July. They’re relocating our jobs to another state and at least 100 of us are about to be out on our behinds looking for other jobs.
Fortunately, many of them are finding jobs and have already dipped up and out.
But I just don’t know why it’s been so HARD for me to find something. I’ve been applying to tons and tons of jobs, I’ve had interviews, but not getting any offers.
For one thing, I know I’m a terrible interviewee. My personality just can’t seem to shine through when I’m being put on the spot. It’s just so HARD for me to basically tell these employers “Hey! I could possibly be thee GREATEST THING that stepped in here!”… without… you know… seeming over-confident. 😛
But it’s not just the fact that it’s hard being hired… I’m still stuck in this limbo of wondering if I even want to be hired somewhere. And this is going to sound so contradicting to my previous post where I tried to establish money in it’s rightful place… I just HATE this life! Constantly making me contradict who I really am!
I DON’T care about MONEY.
But I DO know that I NEED IT.
Which is why I continue to keep trying to push my blog but… man. It’s not ready… I’m not ready. I wanted to stay with this company while I continued to build up my side business. I wanted to be able to move from this job to a “career” whether it was to a corporate position or actually step into the entrepreneur shoes.
But, yet again, Life just prematurely screws up my endeavors and it’s just SICKENING.
I don’t want to be forced back into retail, I feel like I have FAR too much to offer to be accepting some sort of ground level position… AGAIN.
I just… I don’t know what to do.
For some reason, everything is starting to feel like a dead end. The job I really, REALLY wanted does not want me. I just don’t have enough experience for what they’re looking for, but I truly am grateful for the opportunity. It was for a marketing position and, besides what little I’ve been learning about through pursuing my blog and starting my youtube channel, I don’t know that much about marketing… But I figured, I’ve been self-teaching myself anyway and it’s obviously something I was willing to increase my skills in, so why not try? I completely understand why they turned me down, but in all honesty… I still wish they would’ve given me a shot.
I read one of my old post on this very blog, about me being passable and how I wanted to just take one skill and start excelling at it. And that skill was in art… I’ve really been practicing a lot, but I still feel like, especially compared to a lot of other talent out there, it’s still sub par.
And to add more insult to energy, I just don’t know if this is something I want to pursue anymore.
I’ve been randomly contacted by a contact at ToonBoom who is offering me his assistance regarding 2D animation. I think it was a survey, but it didn’t seem like it and besides, it’s been awhile since I’ve opened the software, so I’m not sure exactly why they’re reaching out to me now. I just want to know what I’m doing… where I’m going… and why this life I live is just sooo TRIFLING. If it’s not one thing, it’s something else. I LITERALLY had just got done arguing with my bank over fraudulent activity that left my bank account overdrawn like $1,200… and then the day after I get it resolved… I get told that I’m losing my job, like WTFREAK!
But I just… I REFUSE.
I just don’t WANT to STAY DOWN.
I can’t give Life that power over me… because there’s just so much I want to do! So much I dream about doing, yes I’ve still been dreaming. I just refuse to let Life CRUSH that in me. I just… I don’t understand… I don’t know what I’m gonna do.
Well… here’s what it sounds like I’m gonna do:
- Most likely stay until the end and get the severance pay out… I just FEEL that as soon as I get the severance paid to me, THEN I’ll start getting job offers… but that’s just me… we’ll see…
- Keep fueling fire into my blog and business
- Focus on finishing that online class
- Just keep tossing my resume out there…
- Pray… and keep hope alive.
Sounds about right.
I might need to arrange a night to just eat pizza and ice cream… or get some macaroni and cheese… or some key lime pie?
Sooooo, I’m gonna go (and spend the rest of my money on junk food…maybe…lol)
And until next time,