You know what bugs me? When people question you about why you are the way you are. Especially if who you are is something rare in this world.
Like I mentioned in my previous post, there are a variety of people and that’s what makes life interesting does it not? So, I was just googling (as I usually like to do) looking for nothing in particular when I start looking up topics to write about when forming a personal blog. I came to the conclusion that I will just write what comes to me, and what came to me were a couple articles about “helping shy people get over their fears“.
That intrigues and offends me in all types of ways.
But mostly, I find it a little offensive, almost insulting and this is where that “what if who I am isn’t good enough” line comes into play. I mean, I appreciate the fact that these people are interested in helping youths grow out of their shyness and everything, but it really brings me back to my childhood when I had lots of people constantly put me on the spot about my shyness, some made it into a joke, and others constantly drilled questions at me trying to help “bring me out of my shell”. There were those who kept trying to drag me into situations, and others that got mad because they couldn’t understand me, but I can’t pinpoint one person in my life who actually just wanted to TALK to me.
Who wanted to sit me down, and just hear out my story. They came with suggestions of who I should’ve been, but they didn’t want to hear mine. So I can only imagine how these other shy kids feel. Especially now that they’re range of being exploited can be connected to the whole internet craze…gawd I’m glad I’m not still a youngin. lol
I was horribly sensitive back in the day, you could have smacked a gnat and I would’ve gotten teary-eyed. So you can pretty much assume I wasn’t very open to different folks’ attempt at “helping me grow out of it”. Most of the time…it just made me go home and cry.
But my point is, why is it weird to be overly shy, but it’s not to be overly talkative? I find people who constantly jabber about nothing to be interesting, but also annoying. I don’t like people who are invasive upon first meeting me, I’m not one to give out my phone number within the first ten minutes, I like to get to know people gradually. It’s probably a bad thing, but I think people appreciate that about me. You’re A-Okay if you talk a million miles a minute, but if you’re somebody who sits in the back of the room just writing, OH GAWD!!
My thing with being shy is that it’s just a personality trait that I’m tagged with. Just like I’m always gonna be black, I’m always gonna be tall, I’ll always have nappy hair, I’ll always have big ol’ brown eyes, I’ll have a lot of things, and shyness is one of them. But the only thing is, over the years I’ve learned how to work with my shyness. I’ve grown into the mentality of making my weaknesses work with me and not against me. Because I really could spend the rest of my life hating my weaknesses and looking for ways to change them, but it’ll only make me more insecure of something. My shyness doesn’t control me like it used to…it’s kind of my friend. Whereas I would use my shyness to get away from people, I’m beginning to use it now to observe people. And by doing that, 9/10 I’m right about what I think about certain folks. Being shy isn’t a bad thing and I wish people would stop judging people that don’t talk all the time. Some people just don’t have a 147 things to say!
I would love to believe that it doesn’t matter but deep down, it does. I guess I can understand the unsure vibe people feel when sitting among someone who says absolutely nothing and can’t do anything more except look out the window with nothing but a blank stare. But at the same time, shy people don’t like the vibes they get from people who are constantly eyeing them from a distance waiting for them to say anything. So I suppose it goes both ways. Outgoing people help shy people come out, and shy people help outgoing people shut up. We’re here to help each other, why are you trying to turn me into your extreme? Just see me as your balancer, and I’ll see you as mine. If you’d just stop trying to change me, we’ll both be fine. I dunno, I find my shyness cool, though, because in a world full of people who know everything about everybody…it’s nice to be the person people have to figure out. lol
~ thinkblind ~