And because of that, it’s what inspired me to create IThinkBlind…and actually STICK to it.
As I was reading this other blog…I forgot the name, but she was blogging about her life struggles of becoming more in tune with herself and learning to really be okay with who she was, kind of like what I’m trying to do here. And as I sat there and read post after post of her stories, and how she really put herself out there I found myself identifying with her in many areas. I found her relatable, and…if I ever met her, approachable. I felt as if I was laughing with her, crying with her, sitting in shock with my jaw melted on the ground with her, and then it hit me. Like, like… like that soccer ball on that HOT summers day years ago at camp. It’s so easy to feel like everyone is against you, and nobody understands or wants to understand you, or whatever those reasons. And majority of the time, it will be like that.
But, that doesn’t mean you have to rule out the people who ARE like you and just come to conclusion that you are the only individual in the world that has ever had these emotions, problems, and childhood and there is nobody in the world who has gone through the exact same life you’ve gone through. Well…you’re right. That is why there are a variety of people out there. No two people are the same. But there are some out there veeeery similar to you and it’s not fair to hide yourself because that person may need you. Don’t know who it is, where they will come from, or how they will find you, but sometimes, you’ll know when someone needs you. And I guess I’m just tired of that person who doesn’t know how to help people, especially through my words.
Man when I was a kid, I LOVED helping people. I was honest about everything, my last dollar I would give you, my last potato chip, you could have it. I loved playing with kids and usually I was always the one “chosen” to babysit because I was so good with them. The only thing about me was that I was just SUPER quiet, and reserved. I didn’t like doing sleep overs, going out with friends on Saturday nights, or sitting with the same group everyday at lunch listening to them dog out others. I wasn’t into that.
And as I got into high school, I noticed my quiet personality worsening, and in my senior year I think I hit my ultimate in isolation. My routine was go to school, come home, in the bedroom and lock the doors. And that was it. I skipped lunch, I literally HATED going to the cafeteria and all the senior-ized things I was supposed to be doing and enjoying (like going to football games, and prom and all that stuff) I had no problem with passing up. Though I passed up many other opportunities too, like learning how to bring myself out of that.
After school, I got my first job at good ol’ Burger King and because the group I worked with were loud and rowdy, I felt like I was coming out of my shell again. They were beginning to feel a little like an outside family again, I actually always looked forward to going to work. Then I moved away and I noticed my shell started swallowing me again. There were new people in my life, people that liked to eye me up and down, pinch their faces at me, or just ignore me altogether. People who I “thought” were friendly and into me were only into whatever gossip I had to say and I’m just not a gossip kinda person. So for the couple years I spent back in my isolation, I used that time to really try to figure out what my mindset was like and to really get me together first.
In that, I lost weight, started growing my natural hair out (and still growing it out), learned that I may have ADD, possibly, I’m paranoid, at times agoraphobic (fear of going outside), I’m iron deficient, and some other stuff. But, I’m not the only one as I’ve learned in the past couple of months. I’m not the only person whose paranoid, whose afraid of going outside (only when there’s a lot of people out where I’m going), who likes drawing and playing the piano a little, and thinking all these weird thoughts that don’t seem to stick for five minutes.
There may not be someone who is exactly like me, but I am willing to hear out the person similar to me. And this blog is meant to reach to that person, or people…pet, alien, biscuit, who knows? I want to be relatable again and not just…that girl I used to know… Feel me?
~ thinkblind ~