Like I figured (or as I’m just blatantly guessing), I assume anonymous crush has moved on from his flirtatious bouts with me onto someone else. They boarded my bus this morning, though he did catch eyes with me, there was no smile.
Somehow I knew that I was going to be the only one truly affected, but I won’t say he isn’t but…whose mind are we in right now? Ahem. I wasn’t even searching for him at first, he was seeking me out and then I guess my shy behavior caused him disinterest. It’s not an unlikely story, though, unfortunately, it’s a very repeatable one. One day, I won’t be so afraid to be direct and flirtatious with guys but I assume the better I become at it, the better the guys will get. I think him becoming uninterested in me, though it is painful (and totally annoying), it will turn out to be the positive turn in my life. It will give my mind another evolution, just like I had when I got over my very first middle school crush (gawd THAT one was tough). But these days, I don’t hate him for turning me down or never messaging me back. I thank him. Sometimes it’s the harsh realization of not getting what your heart desires at the moment that will give you something even better, if you wait long enough for it.
Anonyman came while I was busy with myself. I wasn’t expecting him, I was just doing me, trying to get myself together. And I guess he just took notice. But then I fell into my default, and inside I knew I wanted his attention all the time though I tried hard not to show it, but I guess he could read it on me since we were constantly crossing each other’s paths (and I mean more than necessary), but I dunno. I don’t, and I’m kinda threw with trying to figure it out. I gotta get back to finding myself again.
I try not to look at these obstacles as ‘why? Why? WHYYY!?’ all the time (though that is always the initial reaction lol), because more times than not, these things happen for a reason. Just like everything happens for a reason. I, personally, feel that no matter who enters your life, however long you’ve known them, whether you’ve talked to them, watched them, or known them for only five seconds, whether you love them to death or hate their inner inner ATOMS…they enter your life and they shape the way you think, what you aspire to do in life. That’s just me. Nobody enters your eyesight for NO reason at all, whether you realize it or not. Cause think about it, there’s still millions of people out there who you haven’t seen yet, why are you seeing this person? Even if they’re just crossing your paths.
I don’t know, that’s just my little philosophy for today.
So, so long Anonymous Crush…and thank you. For showing me that I am still a bit shy around guys, and how off my flirting is and where I need to improve on my confidence. And thank you for showing the interest that you did have in me. I appreciate it. And I hope you have a great day and an even awesomer life! lol Seriously, no love lost… 😉
~ thinkblind ~