It Can Get Foggy Sometimes…

But live to be true to your instincts. Live to be true to your intuition. And live to be true to yourself.

You know what I like about being myself and trying to stay true to me? I like that I don’t tire out as easily trying to exercise my brain for new and creative lies…White lies maybe, but lies nevertheless. I’m still working on being completely true to me, but I’m in a much better position than I was years ago.

I know I’m the type to get blinded by love easily. I don’t know how many times it’s happened to me but I can assure you, it can probably be deemed countless. I just like men, heck I’m a woman, I’m supposed to. I like the way they look, the way they talk, the way they act, I’m attracted to the male species like men are attracted to the female species. It was just meant to be that way, there’s no shame in that.

BUT, I’ve never (and will not start being) been the type to pursue or be fully pursued by a guy without really observing him and trying to understand if he’s a true possible candidate. I’m the type that has to let my butterflies blow away a bit before I truly decide. This is why I’ve never had a boyfriend, you can pretty much count me as a true virgin okay! lol Never been kissed, touched, or spoiled in anyway and I’d prefer to keep it that way until I meet a guy that I’ll love enough to spend the rest of my life with. Sappy. Cliche. Probably too dramatic for some. But…who cares. I’ve come to the conclusion that I will be the one living with my conscience for the rest of my life and I just know that if I screw up dramatically now, my conscience will never let me live it down. And that’s just something I’m not willing to deal with right now.

Okay, so I’m a goody goody. I kinda like being a goody goody. I like having a fairly clean conscience and still maintaining my clean slate. Phsyically, mentally, and emotionally. It used to hurt telling people I was a virgin, it used to embarrass me that I was the only one without a date or a boyfriend, or that I’d never been kiss. The extreme shock that comes over peoples’ faces when I tell them these things is enough to make me squirm in my chair but I think I’m finally reaching a point where…hey. It’s okay.

It’s OKAY. And the only reason I’m putting this out there like that is not only because I want to be relatable, is because I know there’s other women out there who are clinging onto some part of their holiness or all of it for that matter, like myself, who are feeling the pressure to give it up now or they’ll never be able to experience true love or just even a teensy bit of love for that matter.

I’ve never really been the type to tell anybody what they should do or how they should feel, I’m just someone people vent to and…that was it. But honestly, if you have to give up something that precious JUST to keep a guy around, we’re not even gonna say he remotely likes you, let alone LOVE. Why should he be able to get the goods anyway? Why? What makes him so precious that you will give him something you won’t be able to give again?

I’m not some kind of man destroyer before ya’ll go and get all offended. I don’t think harshly of the opposite sex let alone anyone. People are just people to me and usually what I feel for one goes for the rest of them…you know, until they prove otherwise. lol But that’s just how I feel. That’s how I was raised and it’s instilled in me to respect myself first before ANY man. Honestly, I think that’s what makes a man… a REAL man at that…love you more. That you’re disciplined, that you’re honest, that if you can treasure yourself that way, you can treasure him that way. That’s what I feel, I don’t know, I could be in my own world on that one. lol I’m forever lollygaggin ya’ll.

I don’t think it’ll be impossible to find a good guy, but I do think you need to have the eyes and the courage to snip out the bad ones. Like…Anonyman. Now I won’t say he’s a bad guy in general cause he’s not. But for the type of personality I have and how I see him act…we won’t mix. I know we won’t, we’ll probably just clash and clash and CLASH. Everybody needs someone to run their speed and homie just runs too fast for me. And I honestly, there’s still no hard feelings. I’m letting it go, honestly. You can run and be free as free as bitty baby bumblebee I mean it. And I hope he finds someone who can keep his attention, who can truly gain his love I really and sincerely HOPE you find it. I sincerely do.

 

It just won’t be me. Heh.

 

I guess I’m just rambling, I was in a rambling mode and herelately I just like talking to you all. lol I told ya’ll I like to talk! lol But ummm yeah, I’ll let him go on. I mean what could I do? We didn’t really know each other, we (at least I) wasn’t claiming each other, so let’s just keep it like we got it, call it even and move on with our lives.

 

But I’m gonna be kinda honest.

I think Anonyman struck out on something good. lol Yeah, I had to throw a little arrogance in there, hey I ain’t gonna pretend like I’m not something good to have! lol! Gotta stay confident that good things will happen for you. They will, just let the seconds keep on ticking.

But I will say this…

Anonyman dragged me pretty close to the edge. He had me right in his hands, I’ll admit it. I’m not ashamed to.

 

Cause you still don’t win.

 

 

~ thinkblind ~

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