I Need Some Silence

It’s kind of ironic, but I’m beginning to see that I kind of thrive off of having my silent, solitary moments.

Well, I suppose everyone does, but I think my definition of silence, and others definition of silence is rather different. When I say I need space, that doesn’t mean “okay, I’ll leave you alone…………………………for about 3 hours”. lol No I mean ALL DAY LONG.

And I don’t think people understand that I can go all day without contact with people and be just fine.

But hey, that’s been most of my life.

Lately, I’ve been with people constantly. Whether it was with friends or family, work, or talking to New Dude I’ve just always been around somebody. And honestly,

It’s making me hella mad.

I know I KNOW that is sooo weird, I’m giving myself the side-eye, but I think I’m beginning to see that I just don’t LIKE being under people 24/7. I can’t stand constantly being around people without frequently giving myself some me time. I guess eventually I will grow out of that…or maybe not. I just like being to myself. It gives me a chance to simmer down and get back to who I am. You know how you have those moments where you feel like you’re losing yourself in some situation or something? You just need a moment to breathe, to understand your direction, and to think about things.

You need that space to just look up to the sky and wonder if what you’re doing is right, what should you be doing, what would you like to be doing. Give yourself a minute to think, to understand, to recuperate. For me, me time is not just about relaxing it’s mostly about maintaining the person I am. The person I am is calm, and pretty low key but being up under people all the doggone time will easily make me lose sight of that and make me have more anxiety attacks, I get more stressed, I start over-eating, even if what I’m doing is relatively good things like hanging out with friends. I don’t know, I think I get this from my dad. It’s weird it’s really weird.

I just like to be alone. Which is probably another reason I should talk to New Dude.

Ya’ll I ain’t ready for no TYPE of relationship, I see that now. This week has truly shown me that I still got quite a bit to work on in the social aspect. I guess people just thrive on being with one another and I guess sometimes I do too, but majority of the time, I just like to have a day to myself…

On a weekly basis. 🙂

~ thinkblind ~

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