Ooh Look! There Goes My Self-Esteem!

Wow, that thing flies away pretty fast. lol

I’ve been driving a bit more with my mom and I promise you every time I get in the car with her, tension just starts building up like fog in the night or something. It makes me choke…figuratively of course. I get nervous and everything. She’s had a strong hand over me since I can remember and trying to come from under her…very….forceful…wings is not one of the easiest things to do.

Reason numero uno why I need license!

I think I’m a fairly decent driver and I’m cautious but it’s just. See when she’s talking and yapping away about nothing, I drive better. I know I do because when she’s talking it means she’s comfortable. But then she’ll have her moments when she’ll draw back and get quiet and it doesn’t help me out because when she gets like that (as I have experienced from childhood) she’s liable to lash out on you for just about anything and even make you cry….

And that is noooooot something you want to start experiencing behind the wheel.

So of course whenever she gets quiet it makes me even MORE nervous and it makes my mind kinda shut out a little. And I just know she’s sitting there watching for anything bad to happen so she can spend the rest of our drive home hammering me about it. Sometimes, I can feel the tears building up inside but lately I’ve been getting better at blocking it out or thinking positive thoughts just for the sake of getting us home safely. I mean who does that? I was nice and comfortable when I made a right turn, I had the right of way and she just blows up out of nowhere saying “WHY would you DRIVE this CAR KNOWING it was on E!!!!?”….okay. Okay! I’ll pull over and get some gas. But when your mind is already drained of all this negative energy floating around, the last thing you’re probably thinking about is gas…you just wanna get home…or drop off the negative energy. 😉 lol

I had a little mishap while going to the grocery store tonight and I’ll admit I was in the wrong. I was. I had missed the first turn (the turn I was going for) and she immediately pointed that out to me with “Why you didn’t turn right there? Oh lord, now you’re gonna have to turn this sharp curve…you’re gonna tear this car up.”

Gee…thanks for the faith.

So all the while she’s trying to prep me and so to show her I could do it, I kinda swung just a bit out of my lane to turn in. There was a car behind me but I didn’t notice it passing me by but I immediately caught it and turned into the sharp curve safely.

Gawd do I HATE slipping up with her around. She made me so uncomfortable, there was nothing I could say. I was in the wrong…and she wasn’t gonna let me live it down. I almost ALMOST don’t even want to get my license anymore. She knows how to kill my excitement for anything. But I REALLY don’t think I’m that bad of a driver, I’ve got more practice to put in I know I do but above all I’m pretty much ready. I gotta go I gotta do this and it’s gonna be done. By June 28. 🙂

 

~ thinkblind ~

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