Should I Feel Bad About Not Starting School in August?

Cause it seems like school is pretty much where it’s at for everything. I don’t know, I’ve had my mom get into a pretty tight silent demeanor because I told her the financial aid is what’s not allowing me to get back into my classes. I already know.

Most of this was my fault.

Cause I should’ve done it earlier, but it’s not like I didn’t give her time to do them but I didn’t realize that they had to pay and all that other stuff or whatever BUT, that’s beside the point. I won’t be starting school on Monday.

Me. I’m fine with it. At least I was until my mother’s furrowed eyebrows, clenched mouth, and angry stare made me think otherwise.

I didn’t want to go back anyways, I really hate school. Why go to school for 12 years to get the main life experience in the optional 2-4 years AFTER? 12 years of school can be painful enough, now you wanna throw on some MORE pain? Sheesh.

So my train of thought. Since I won’t be going back til January, I want to spend this time saving up for a car. A car that I want so terribly TERRIBLY bad. And so when I do start school, may days won’t be so heavily tangled up in taking the buses and everything. I could go to and from and as I please and not have to worry about being too late, being too early, having to ask and having to hear “no!”, lots of little factors for once in my fresh 21 year old life, I will have the freedom that I haven’t been dreaming of the way I should be.

I don’t know, I feel so inadequate that I’m not saying that I’m starting school on Monday when everyone else is. Rather that I’ll be working and saving for a car, and working on my 3D models at home. I mean I have the Cinema4D on my laptop, it’s not like I won’t be WORKING on projects. I’ll pretty much be doing the same thing at home that I would be doing in class. It’s all about the experience right? And it’s not that I’m NOT going back, just not in August.

Because Anonyman will be there and I’m giving him time to get out before I go back in. I guess we’re “friends”…..the type of friends that…don’t….speak to each other…. :/ Yeah. I guess I just want to start school with a fresh round of people or whatever. I guess I need to give myself time to REALLY get over people. I’ve been indulging in work alot more. I mean, if it is an absolute MUST that I go through hell at this point in my life, the least thing these heathens can do for me is PAY ME. lol Okay?

I don’t know, just feeling kind of down. I don’t think school should define how happy or sad a person should be, but my mother sure has a great way of doing that. It’s so easy for her to deem me a failure in her mind, she doesn’t even have to say it. But I get sick of having my planned out by her, by people. Sometimes I just don’t want to know what will happen. Some of the best things happen when i don’t know it will…and I’d kind of like to keep it that way.

Except with the car, I’se needs that car ASAP!!

~ thinkblind ~


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