It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye

I don’t know if ya’ll know but I’ve been doing the two-job thing lately for the past….3 months? That has a LOT to do with why I’m hardly ever on here it seems. Well, I mean I have been on here but I update in bursts and not consistently it seems. But I’ve decided that it is time for me to leave one of my jobs, the one job I’ve been at the longest but, for the past six or so months has consistently given me somewhere under 15 hours every week. I’m keeping the other that I get 40 hours at every week but I am currently back in the market trying to broaden my range since… heh heh, now I have the means to actually GET to these better jobs and not have to constantly rely on the bus system. Cause in the past I have come across some GREAT positions that I qualified for (or could work my way in with with a smile :)) but they were all a little too far out of my reach when it came to transportation. So I assume it won’t be incredibly hard to find a new better position, I just gotta crack down and do some serious seeping and searching like I did before.

But just this past…..when was it? Friday it had to be, I told my one manager that I was gonna make this upcoming Saturday my last day. I wanted to be out of here because there was NO way I could do a double Black Friday, working both jobs with hectic people alllll around the clock. It was my goal to have a car and be able to look for another job before Black Friday, but the car didn’t seem to come fast enough so I just up and quit…well, I gave them a one-week notice.

Then I turn around and the very following day got a nicely used car. 😉 God is good isn’t he?

But that’s beside the point, I….I don’t REGRET leaving this job. This job constantly takes my weekends and I hardly get any money from it anyways. I know what you all will think, money is MONEY! And while that might seem like enough to motivate other people to keep on a job they hate….I’m not like that. I don’t want to be angry 24/7, I don’t want to be bitter all the time and I realized I’m my most bitter at this job. I’m always on the night shift, it was always a hassle to get home it seemed, I was barely there anyways, AND Black Friday was coming up? I was sick of doing customer service, honestly I’m burnt out with retail altogether. But at least at the other job, I don’t have to work weekends, and if I do it’s like once in a blue moon, I don’t have to work NIGHTS (thank the lawd for THAT one) I’ll be working the earlier shift come the Black Friday week, and I get way more hours. The only thing this job didn’t pass on was the bi-weekly pay that was it. Other than that, perfect. I love the location, the ease, the shift, the people, I mean of course it’s work so to some extent I get positively STRESSED. But above all, it’s a great place to be to try and get a foundation of some sort started, ya feel me?

So I told my manager, now she’s not talking to me. I mean she is but she’s being major cordial. I guess I understand but SHEESH I’ve been there for like a year and seven months, I can’t keep surviving under that little pay every week and always coming home entirely mad and stressed. Always having to take a twenty minute joy ride to destress? lol I shouldn’t always have to do that every time I get off. lol I should just be….tired. Not tired…..AND MAD.

Honestly I’ve been contemplating quitting this job WAY before I even GOT my second job. Then when I was looking for the second job, I said I would quit and just stay with the new job, but then transportation become a problem so I said I’d keep both just in case the new job became too much of a problem and I’d have another to fall back on. Then I started to love the new job but needed better transportation, and I said when I got that I would leave my longer job and do you know I actually considered making both jobs work until the end of the year?

Then Black Friday started popping up in conversations and I was gonna try it, I was gonna try and do it. But I just couldn’t think about dealing with possibly hundreds and thousands of people on a clockwise basis. Dealing with them at one job is okay. Dealing with them at TWO? And all that mess, all those people, all the needs and the customer service I’d have to DOUBLE it. O_O” A sista can only handle SO much. So I said nope, nada, zeee plus roooo! And said I’m leaving. I felt bad but I guess that’s because I just had so much loyalty to that job. I felt bad stepping out to look for a second job, that’s how much loyalty I gave it. I was starting to feel like I couldn’t leave them, I couldn’t just go.

But I have a right to. I have a right to wanna do better, especially if I CAN. Feel me? It’s hard, but sometimes the toughest decision is the ones where we have to put ourselves first. But nobody wants to seem conceited or self-centered or arrogant. But coming home everyday mad? Feet and legs looking like big logs from so much swelling. Surviving off of three to four hour of sleep everyday and constantly putting yourself through turmoil, having to lug around everything with you like luggage going from job to job catching the buses in the cold and then heat, it can be hard. It’s real tough. If the pay was alot better and I actually LIKED doing it, I would make it work. I would’ve found a way to make it work. But I hate working the night shift. I’ve been working the night shift for a year and seven months….let’s try an early shift now. And so far, I’m loving it. 😉

 

~thinkblind~

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