I want to rant about Anonyman for hopefully the LAST time on here.
You know why?
When he and I first met, he was the only one doing the pursuit. I promise he was. He sought ME out, he was the one starting all the staring, the smiling, the random hugging before we even had ONE conversation with each other. I was just reciprocating and hardly even that, if anything I was always trying to AVOID him. I didn’t want to like him but he just kept seething his way through. For a good three months this type of behavior lasted BEFORE we actually started talking, before I actually found out a lot about this damn Anonyman. So you would think, at least in a girl’s mind, that after three months of smiling, hugging, staring, and all the flirtatious vibes after you come across each other that a guy is fairly into you and you know, you’ve kinda been attached already, right?
Okay, so I’m willing to deal with the fact that I was just a simple imperfect human being and that it was still hard to get over the fact that he had a girlfriend and that it was hard to get rid of my emotions for him. I do have a heart people, I just can’t turn it “off” and “on” because the situation calls for it. I mean, this guy literally chased me down after school just to get my number. I’m saying all this to emphasize the fact that there really was no need for us to meet at ALL. His classes were at the very top of building, mine were at the very bottom. He ate lunches or spent lunch time majority of the time inside the school area or the cafeteria, I always stayed outside. We took different buses, I really need you all to get that had it not been for him constantly trying to seek me out, there really would have been NO NEED for us to ever come across each other, EVER.
It was all innocent attraction right? That’s what I thought.
So, he gets my number, and then on our first conversation, I kinda pry it out of him asking who “that girl” was to him. And he clarifies her as his lady, okay. No problem, even though it lead to my disappointment but I had no problems that he was claiming her as such. At least he was. But all through this time he’s still overly flirtatious with the things he say, still showing flirtatious signals and all that jazz, but at this point I really didn’t want to entertain it. He was always inviting me to some business meeting which turned out to be legit when I finally went to one, and I really didn’t want to go then because I didn’t want to see him. Because I am in charge of my heart, and I knew how I felt about him and I didn’t want to feel that way about someone else’s man, feel me?
So after the business meeting thing, we kinda fell through for a moment. I made the mistake of contacting him again for….something. And we got on talking terms again, he’s being less flirtatious and more “friend-like” even after I kept hinting to the fact that I still liked him. And so he kinda told me to back off in his own way, I guess he was being more serious about his relationship now.
I have no problems with that.
THIS is what I have a problem with.
So after he kinda vibed the fact that he wanted me to lay off the flirtatious thing, I do. I catch on to that fact so much that I stop all contact with him with the following five months, and even though every now and then I missed him, I stayed strong and true to the fact that I would not do any initiating at all.
And then a few days ago……
He contacts me….
With a text message just saying what was up. Then I responded, told him about my new Maggie…well car (lol) and then he called me and that’s when I learned he needed a little help. I won’t put his business out there but it required for us to meet up which eventually lead to him asking if I could drive him and his GIRL home….Okay, no problems right?
So I did. I go get them, drive them where they needed to and back home, all the while getting to know his girlfriend who actually turned out to be pretty doggone cool with me. But all through the night, he was still sending me subconscious flirting signals and so now I’m thinking to myself, okay, maybe he’s just naturally like this, ya know? Constantly touching me, staring at me, he got a little too close for comfort a couple times. But at the same time he was all over his girl which I expected, and it was okay. We got around another female friend of his, and he was telling everyone about how I used to be in school, constantly trying to hold up my time asking if I was cool with “staying a bit longer”, at one point had it not been for his girl eyeing him he probably would’ve invited me to chill with them in their home for a few minutes…..
I guess my mistake was trying to hint to him that I still liked him. All I wanted to know was was it just me? Or did you feel anything too? Not that I wanted to split them up or anything.
But he sure must’ve took it that way.
Yeah cause after that night of driving them home, a half hour after I dropped them off, he texted me saying “thanks again” and so we kinda texted through the night and the morning after that and all through the day. All this time he’s telling me that his girlfriend really liked me (hot damn…) and that I will always be cared for on their end. Cool okay. And then all I asked, all I wanted to know was he felt about me. I didn’t ask romantically or anything, just in general, when you think of me, how do you view me?
I. Should’ve. NEVER. Asked him that.
He didn’t call me popping off, but he called me the next day going on about “how I’m still his homegirl, and he’s still my homeboy, but I need to realize that he’s in a relationship, and that I should respect him and his girlfriend and see that he loves her and he wants to make a living with her and that I should respect them both and back off….”
I should “respect them both…..and back off…………..”
Maybe you should respect your female friends and not lead them on for so long in the FIRST PLACE! It wasn’t that he told me he loved her, it was that he told me that I should respect their relationship like it was just all my idea. Like I had the intention to split them up, like I really wanted all this to come up again. Talking to me as if “I know what you’re trying to do, and it’s not gonna work”. What do you MEAN man?
I’m the one who kept bringing your girlfriend up in conversations BEFORE you started making it sound “soooo serious”. You were still trying to be flirtatious. And it’s not even that, I went so far out my way to respect your relationship, that I had given up contact with you for MONTHS. And then, you come back into my life so that you can basically tell me….to back off. You pursue me, you chase me down for my number, you invite me to a business meeting and then basically after that we cut contact, and then you come into my life, and then you tell me to back off.
Honestly, Anonyman, after months of all those flirtatious vibes, did you really think I wasn’t going to have some sort of crush on you? I know I wasn’t the only one there. I know you have to know or be able to tune into when someone is really starting to like you. I mean who does that? Do you really stare, and smile, and hug a random person you never talk to for at least 3 months before you finally work up some nerve to make actual conversation with them? You know, if you just wanted to be friends with them? I assume if you just wanted to be platonic friends, and there were no emotions involved whatsoever, you would have just walk over to them and strike a conversation, would you not? There would be no silent moments of hesitation like you had consistently with me. I don’t think I would’ve noticed many of your friends in school bumping you in the arm and pointing at me just to see a big smile spread across your face as you waited for me at the end of the hallway just to give you some random hug and we haven’t talked or even met. The hug was our meeting, there was no “hi, my name is” none of that.
Because in his defense he said “he just likes to meet people”. Yeah, and that’s cool had there have been an actual reason for us to have MET. Like, we’re in the same class….we’re in the same club, we sit at the same table at lunch, we ride the same bus after school, but we DON’T. NONE of that, which is how I know he was in pursuit of me. Cause I was always avoiding him!
And then you tell me to back off like it was my fault? Like you were just being yourself and I just happened to fall for you knowing that you were already taken. First of all, I didn’t get to this confusion myself! You knew you were sending me mixed signals, and even if not, I gave you plenty of hints and opportunities to catch on to it so don’t even try that bs with me. Secondly, I did respect you and your girl enough to try and leave you alone for good. I don’t get down with loving someone else’ man, believe me stupid, I had already left you alone FIVE MONTHS AGO. And three, if I had known about her from the get go, before all the flirtatious eyes, smiles, and hugs that lasted for months before I even KNEW about her, believe me I wouldn’t have let myself get so attached to you at all. I’m in control of how I feel and more than likely, I draw the line before I cross it. Because *I* know how I feel about situations, and I know what I want the result of them to be.
He tells me “that’s just how he is” and he “wouldn’t be a good friend if he continued to let me go on thinking there was ever gonna be something when it wouldn’t be” and I applaud him for his honesty NOW. But for future references, let me give you a few pointers so that the next girl you meet won’t fall into the same trap I did. So that she won’t let her heart get attached to some unavailable man who likes sending out mixed signals and then wants to “spare her heart” at the end being so “honest” so that he can maintain his freakin “knight in shining armor status”.
Anonyman, next time, don’t….
- Pursue a girl for three months or whatever silently flirting with her with smiles, staring, and hugging before you guys even converse. For a girl, specially like me, that’s more than enough time for someone to start developing a minor crush. Mixed signal number 1.
- Don’t chase the girl down after school, when you still don’t know her, and ask for her number for “business purposes” and then three days later call her up to talk about nothing. Many girls will take that as “he didn’t REALLY wanna talk business, he just wanted to talk to me! Eeeeek!” Mixed signal number 2.
- Don’t ask the girl if she’s overly sexual, especially when you still don’t really know her. Mixed signal number 3.
- By God, DON’T ASK THE GIRL what the hell she is LOOKING FOR IN A MAN!!!!!! The DUMBEST mixed signal number 4.
- Don’t tell your friends so that they can tease you in front of her, and don’t smile AS they’re teasing you because, and I know it’s hard to believe, but a lot of girls will take that as “OMG he’s talking to me about his friends!!!” Mixed signal number 5.
- Don’t hug her. And don’t hug her around her waist, don’t pull her in close like that. You don’t know what those kinda hugs do to a girl, man. Mixed signal number 6.
- Don’t call her “mami” and “baby” with the smooth voice to match. You don’t realize how EASILY that can get mixed up. Mixed signal number 7.
- Don’t call her out in front of the whole school about how much you miss her. Empty confession or not, that will still drive us kinda crazy. Mixed signal number 8.
- CLARIFY from the get go that you’re taken…..I don’t know that. I’m just going off what I see. Mixed signal number 9.
- If she is trying to hint that she likes you and you want her to back off, clarify it then. Mixed signal number 10.
- If she hasn’t contacted you in five months, it’s probably a reason why. Unless you clarify again what all your intentions are….don’t call her. Mixed signal number 11.
- When you guys see each other again, don’t flirt with her with your gf around. Mixed signal number 12.
- Don’t do hold up her time asking if she constantly wanna stay and spend time with you and your girlfriend. That’s actually a pretty easy one to get confused. Mixed signal number 13.
- Don’t do everything above and then finally call and tell her that she needs to respect your relationship and back off. She’ll probably do more than I did and actually cuss you out over it. Mixed signal number 14, but the most straightforward of them all.
Take responsibility that you started this mess to. I didn’t get here by myself. I have crushes all the time but never one that’s this hard to get over which is how I know you were sending these signals out, I wasn’t here just dreaming in Lala land about what could be between us. No, you made this REAL as well. That’s what upsets me. That you think you were REALLY that innocent and that we just met because “God wanted us to meet” and “He works in mysterious ways”. Yeah, He gonna be mysteriously kicking your ass……oh wait, that’ll be me. Jerk.
~thinkblind (or in this case….clear)~