Just… Pointless…

I have alot of ideas about what I want, what I think, where I want to be, where I’m going and where I possibly want to end up. But I don’t think that I think enough about reality.

Is that a bad thing?

I feel like whenever I reach a destination, I’m already halfway into a dream trying to reach another one. Some of them have been accomplished, a couple seem a little out of my reach (right now anyway), and others are somewhere straggling in the wind.

I just feel like I’m a body of dreams and ideas and there’s nothing really….what’s the word? Tangible about me. My presence in life is about as tangible as the wind is on my face. You can feel it knock you down, you know it’s there but at the same time, you can’t really grasp it. You can’t capture it.

And that’s how I feel. Like my mind is making my un-capture-able….? I spend all day thinking about life. THINKING about what I wanna do, THINKING about where I wanna be, THINKING about what I need to change which is where the motto “Just DO it” started to really drill into my brain.

But I still feel like I’m not doing enough.

What’s keeping me spinning around in this endless circle? What’s up with me feeling like the goals I reach just aren’t enough?

Is it because other people are reaching far more goals than I am? That they’re dreaming bigger than me? I am a bit of a competitor, but I never really thought I’d be competitive over dreams.

What’s going on with me and how come nothing seems like enough? Jobs don’t seem like enough, activities don’t seem like enough, learning a new skill doesn’t seem like enough, exploring doesn’t seem like enough, a good guy doesn’t seem like enough. I always feel empty herelately and it’s mainly because I always ALWAYS feel like there’s somebody somewhere whose disappointed in my not giving 200% when I gave 199. Working seems pointless til the fact that I’d rather give up a lot of things I have just so I don’t have to deal with the extra stress, but I know how I get at times and I like to have a few nice things to. But I’m tired of having to keep up with “nice” things, updating “nice” things cost “nice” dollars that “nice” people like me ain’t got “nice” time for.

Talking seems pointless, people don’t hear me anyway. Thinking seems pointless cause people can go out there and be completely stupid and be awarded the entire world whereas people like me who always strategize are made to look like a fool because, though my work is accurate, it’s not “quick” enough.

Sometimes I just feel so pointless and just…lost.

I don’t get it and I really want to know WHERE this is coming from so I can stop it. I never used to feel so empty and pointless, why is it happening now?

 

~thinkblind~

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