And I don’t know how it’s gonna happen but I do know one thing
I gotta take a step in SOME thing.
What with everything seeming to go down around me, I’m still trying to keep a little glimmer of light, just a little spec of hope. That something, anything will pull through. These days, I’m just…..decent. People ask me how I’m doing. My response.
I’m just doing.
Aren’t we all? But I don’t want to “just be doing” anymore. I want to be either happy, mad, joyful, upset, shocked, embarrassed I want to feel something. And these days I haven’t been feeling anything. Nothing but STRESS. I always knew that stress could make you feel depressed and down and angry. But who knew stress could wipe out your emotions completely… I just feel nothing.
I feel like I want to love, but when the opportunity to show that love presents itself, I freeze.
And I don’t want to be like that anymore.
I want to get out and do things. Experience life. Amazon sends me these incredible coupons all the time and I may start buying into them and checking some things out. I mean why not!? Okay maybe it’s not traveling overseas, or going to the theme parks but a 2 hour paint session is more thrilling than my life right now. Private horseback riding lessons? I’m game! They’ve even sent me coupons to take pole dancing classes and I’ve REALLY been wanting to try that! lol
I just wanna do something.
Back on my fitness grind again, and this time I may actually take it seriously, not that I never did before, but this may actually be the time I stick to it. I’m making my goals public, I’m putting it out there like I’m gonna put it here.
My goal is to
Get to an 18-19% body fat by August 9, 2014!!!!!
That’s a good 5 months from now (I started on the 9 of March). I’ve never made specific goals before it was always “I wanna lose weight” or “I wanna be toned” and not actually know what were the specifics or the details.
It’s not even just about that, I want to start dressing up more, I want to get into life again. I just want to live through some experiences and stop dreaming about them.
I just want to stop DREAMING.
And just DO IT.